Dear Dad,
So it's happening again. Jerry had a heart attack! Is this even possible? I always said I was one lucky little girl to have 2 dad's that loved and cared about me, and now you're gone and then him! Christ!
He's working on himself. He's quit smoking and he's exercising and eating healthy, but is that enough. I worry all the time. I constantly think about what's wrong when my phone rings or i get a text message. i just thought this was behind me. I'm too friggin' young to have my parents die!
Makes you realize how important it is to take care of yourself. One day you'll wake up at 50 and it could be it. It's just not supposed to happen like that. You guys should be 80-90-100 before you die! At least I can hope to better my life and teach Rylee better habits so she or her future children don't have to deal with it. Ugh....
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
My God it's a Hectic Day
Dear Dad,
OMG! This is when I need you here the most. Days, weeks, and months like this are when I crave to hear your words o' wisdom. As much as I rolled my eyes at you as a teenager, I catch myself saying the things you said; quoting you like you were some kind of philosopher (HA!). And as you well know, mom can only handle so much. You were like the buffer for her. When Jess and I had a problem, we could call you. Poor mom.... her phone's always ringing!
Things have just been so stressful. With school, work, internship and then all my home/child rearing duties, I'm burning both ends of the candle. I know, I know...I did it to myself. But someday it will be worth it, right? I sure as hell hope so, because it the rest of this year is anything like what it's started out to be....ugh, I don't even want to think about it!
So Halloween is right around the corner. Cole won't let Rylee be a princess. Apparently she's that all year round! :) So we've gotten her a frilly vampire outfit with all the make up and hair spray a little girl could want! I can't wait! She's so darn cute anyway! Oh yeah....fake nails too! haha.... I just hope I don't ruin this holiday for her like mom did me! But either way, I sure I'll ruin it someway else!
I love you Pops!
Love,
Daughter
OMG! This is when I need you here the most. Days, weeks, and months like this are when I crave to hear your words o' wisdom. As much as I rolled my eyes at you as a teenager, I catch myself saying the things you said; quoting you like you were some kind of philosopher (HA!). And as you well know, mom can only handle so much. You were like the buffer for her. When Jess and I had a problem, we could call you. Poor mom.... her phone's always ringing!
Things have just been so stressful. With school, work, internship and then all my home/child rearing duties, I'm burning both ends of the candle. I know, I know...I did it to myself. But someday it will be worth it, right? I sure as hell hope so, because it the rest of this year is anything like what it's started out to be....ugh, I don't even want to think about it!
So Halloween is right around the corner. Cole won't let Rylee be a princess. Apparently she's that all year round! :) So we've gotten her a frilly vampire outfit with all the make up and hair spray a little girl could want! I can't wait! She's so darn cute anyway! Oh yeah....fake nails too! haha.... I just hope I don't ruin this holiday for her like mom did me! But either way, I sure I'll ruin it someway else!
I love you Pops!
Love,
Daughter
Monday, October 17, 2011
Together Again
Dear Dad,
I took Rylee to Charleston this summer. We had gone down once before and stayed with some friends, but she was a baby, and it just wasn't the same. This time we stayed with Grandma! I know can you believe it. I think you'd be so surprised by her, Dad. I sure as hell was! She was like a normal grandmother. She loved and cared and cried and hugged.... everything we've been wanting for years!
I can't even begin to describe the AMAZING reaction Rylee had at the ocean! I almost cried to see her joy! We got onto Folly towards dinner time, so no swimming that day, but I had to hurry and take Rylee to see the ocean....I just left her capri's on, we weren't going to be gone long. We walked onto the boardwalk by the pier and she flipped! She took off running. Without batting an eye she dove into the ocean, clothes on and all! I couldn't even believe it! This is the same child that freaks out if she gets a drop of water on her face! We spent the whole week playing in the ocean and building sandcastles! Rylee became a master of the art of poop castles! The only thing that was missing was you, the sand castle king!
We went to the Aquarium too... you were right, it was so not worth the money! I was incredibly disappointed! I mean it was like $30 a piece and they had 1 shark! Ugh.... Rylee had fun though, that's all that really matters! They had a skunk there.... I took a picture for G-ma.
The last day I was there, I did the thing I was dreading the most. I let you go. Rylee, G-ma and I went down to the battery and threw your ashes into the bay. We said a few happy words and cried a lot of sad tears. It eases my mind to know you are in a happy place, one of your favorite in the world! You are drifting towards Fort Sumter forever looking at Charleston's beautiful, historic city scape! I hope you're where you want to be!
I love and miss you, Pops, more than you will ever know!
Love,
Daughter
I took Rylee to Charleston this summer. We had gone down once before and stayed with some friends, but she was a baby, and it just wasn't the same. This time we stayed with Grandma! I know can you believe it. I think you'd be so surprised by her, Dad. I sure as hell was! She was like a normal grandmother. She loved and cared and cried and hugged.... everything we've been wanting for years!
I can't even begin to describe the AMAZING reaction Rylee had at the ocean! I almost cried to see her joy! We got onto Folly towards dinner time, so no swimming that day, but I had to hurry and take Rylee to see the ocean....I just left her capri's on, we weren't going to be gone long. We walked onto the boardwalk by the pier and she flipped! She took off running. Without batting an eye she dove into the ocean, clothes on and all! I couldn't even believe it! This is the same child that freaks out if she gets a drop of water on her face! We spent the whole week playing in the ocean and building sandcastles! Rylee became a master of the art of poop castles! The only thing that was missing was you, the sand castle king!
We went to the Aquarium too... you were right, it was so not worth the money! I was incredibly disappointed! I mean it was like $30 a piece and they had 1 shark! Ugh.... Rylee had fun though, that's all that really matters! They had a skunk there.... I took a picture for G-ma.
The last day I was there, I did the thing I was dreading the most. I let you go. Rylee, G-ma and I went down to the battery and threw your ashes into the bay. We said a few happy words and cried a lot of sad tears. It eases my mind to know you are in a happy place, one of your favorite in the world! You are drifting towards Fort Sumter forever looking at Charleston's beautiful, historic city scape! I hope you're where you want to be!
I love and miss you, Pops, more than you will ever know!
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
What you've missed all these years :(
Dear Dad,
It's been 4 1/2 years since you left me. I begged you to stay, for me, for Jess....for family, but you couldn't. Sometimes I think you wouldn't; that I wasn't good enough to make you stay. Crazy, I know.... but grief does so many weird things. I was mad at you for a long time....I'm sorry for that, by the way :)
I had my daughter. He name is Rylee Hunter. OMG Dad, you'd so love her! She's so smart and beautiful and funny! She amazes me. I can't believe what a lucky woman I am to get such a fabulous child! But maybe....like you always say...it's the DNA :)
I've returned to school again. I graduate in May. I think you'd be pretty proud of me! I'm pretty proud of myself. I have finally found a way to make money with my art and have fun while doing it! I've never been happier! And the fact that I keep a 3.85 GPA with straight A's definitely makes it better.
Cole and I are still together :) I know you never got to meet him, but I think you'd be impressed. I make some pretty good decisions when it comes to men! He's handsome and smart and haas goals and dreams! And he is the greatest father any little girl could ask for!! Although it's a close one between you and him :)
Damn Pops....I miss the hell out of you! Nothing is the same. There is an empty place in my life that will never be filled. I never thought this would happen. I need you. I can see you rolling your eyes at me right now...and laughing at me. I know I'm an adult now.... but the things you shared with me and taught me are irreplaceable memories. I wish we were still making them.
I suppose that's enough for now. I'm starting to get misty.... and I don't feel like screwing up my make-up! Love you, Pops!
Love,
Daughter
It's been 4 1/2 years since you left me. I begged you to stay, for me, for Jess....for family, but you couldn't. Sometimes I think you wouldn't; that I wasn't good enough to make you stay. Crazy, I know.... but grief does so many weird things. I was mad at you for a long time....I'm sorry for that, by the way :)
I had my daughter. He name is Rylee Hunter. OMG Dad, you'd so love her! She's so smart and beautiful and funny! She amazes me. I can't believe what a lucky woman I am to get such a fabulous child! But maybe....like you always say...it's the DNA :)
I've returned to school again. I graduate in May. I think you'd be pretty proud of me! I'm pretty proud of myself. I have finally found a way to make money with my art and have fun while doing it! I've never been happier! And the fact that I keep a 3.85 GPA with straight A's definitely makes it better.
Cole and I are still together :) I know you never got to meet him, but I think you'd be impressed. I make some pretty good decisions when it comes to men! He's handsome and smart and haas goals and dreams! And he is the greatest father any little girl could ask for!! Although it's a close one between you and him :)
Damn Pops....I miss the hell out of you! Nothing is the same. There is an empty place in my life that will never be filled. I never thought this would happen. I need you. I can see you rolling your eyes at me right now...and laughing at me. I know I'm an adult now.... but the things you shared with me and taught me are irreplaceable memories. I wish we were still making them.
I suppose that's enough for now. I'm starting to get misty.... and I don't feel like screwing up my make-up! Love you, Pops!
Love,
Daughter
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A New Beginning
March 28, 2007 was the worst day of my life so far. I was 6 month pregnant and we had just moved back to Maine a few months before. We were staying at my parents until we could find a decent place to stay. (So I know, moving back in with the rents, even for just a few months, life couldn't get worse, right??) I was woken that morning by my mother answering the phone and saying, "Oh Jess, you were just about to be there." I quickly ran down the stairs wondering why on Earth my sister was calling at 5 in the morning. Then panick set in. I knew where "there" was. We were leaving that day for a nice long week in South Carolina to visit my father and grandmother. I had just talked to my father the day before and he said my grandma was having issues and had been in the hospital. I knew I was going to hear that she had died as soon as I got on the phone.
"Jess, what is going on?"
Through the bawling and screaming the next thing I heard was, "Daddy's dead!!" He was only 49. I was in shock. This wasn't happening; it couldn't possibly be true! Not to me, not now. Not when I need him the most!!
It has been 4 years now and it is something I continue to struggle with everyday. I miss him so much; he was my best friend. I talk to him now and again. It helps ease the pain of his life cut short. Through this blog, I want to help ease my pain by making sure he knows about everything he's missing. I want to write him letters, put them into bottles, and throw them out to sea!
"Jess, what is going on?"
Through the bawling and screaming the next thing I heard was, "Daddy's dead!!" He was only 49. I was in shock. This wasn't happening; it couldn't possibly be true! Not to me, not now. Not when I need him the most!!
It has been 4 years now and it is something I continue to struggle with everyday. I miss him so much; he was my best friend. I talk to him now and again. It helps ease the pain of his life cut short. Through this blog, I want to help ease my pain by making sure he knows about everything he's missing. I want to write him letters, put them into bottles, and throw them out to sea!
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