Dear Dad,
So I've made it through another hurdle! I have officially finished my last Fall semester of college. I am on my way to the finish line; I can see it right around the corner! I can't even begin to describe the happiness, the joy... the relief it is to finally be here! I have worked so hard to make it this far. A few more months and I will be graduated with my second degree and two internships under my belt! I hope it's all worth it... I hope all this hard work pays off!
I hope I've made you proud, Dad. I hope you really are looking down on me from heaven smiling. All I have ever wanted is to make you proud. For the first time I can honestly say I've made myself proud. These last few years have been so hard and so draining, but I overcame it all.... I, me.... I HAVE MADE IT!
I love you, Pops... more than you will ever know! I miss you so much everyday!
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
It's almost over!
Dear Dad,
Today is my last day at my internship. I have been here since May. It's such a long time to be at such a temporary place. It's been a part of my everyday life for almost a year. I'm sad to say goodbye. But I am excited for the future. It's been an amazing ride!
Next semester is going to be a tough one. I have 5 classes and an internship. That doesn't include work and Rylee and being a wife. I honestly hope it goes well. I need to have something go smoothly in my life! I did get an amazing internship though! I'm really excited about it! I will be working for the local children's museum and I have been blessed with the task of re-designing all of their print materials! They want new photos, new layout, new everything! I am so thrilled! This internship could potentially cement me in the industry!
You always told me I should take my art and use it for a job. I pish poshed all of that, thinking there was no way I wanted to take something I loved and make it a job! But I have found the best of both worlds! I hope that you are looking down on me with a smile....because Pops... I did it!
Love,
Daughter
Today is my last day at my internship. I have been here since May. It's such a long time to be at such a temporary place. It's been a part of my everyday life for almost a year. I'm sad to say goodbye. But I am excited for the future. It's been an amazing ride!
Next semester is going to be a tough one. I have 5 classes and an internship. That doesn't include work and Rylee and being a wife. I honestly hope it goes well. I need to have something go smoothly in my life! I did get an amazing internship though! I'm really excited about it! I will be working for the local children's museum and I have been blessed with the task of re-designing all of their print materials! They want new photos, new layout, new everything! I am so thrilled! This internship could potentially cement me in the industry!
You always told me I should take my art and use it for a job. I pish poshed all of that, thinking there was no way I wanted to take something I loved and make it a job! But I have found the best of both worlds! I hope that you are looking down on me with a smile....because Pops... I did it!
Love,
Daughter
Monday, December 12, 2011
Fa Rah Rah Rah Rah
Dear Dad,
So it's that time of year again... Christmas. Oh how I adore this season! Only this year I can't seem to get out of this funk.. it's like I'm Scrooge this year. I'm just not feeling it. Maybe it's the stress of all the work I have going on right now. Luckily it's almost time for a much needed break!!
This year Rylee is finally old enough to get the whole hype of Christmas. It's really cute. It's almost like we get to re-live the magic of Christmas again. Through her Santa is real... it's fun again! We've already been in a parade, decorated and made some Christmas cookies. We still have to go get our tree, but I'm thinking there's plenty of time for all of that.
I've started to shop, but I just don't know what to buy. We've decided to focus more on Rylee this year than anyone else. I really want her to have magical holidays.... like the ones I had as a kid. I'd really like to keep with the theme of educational toys this year. She's finally starting to read and write and I want her to have anything and everything that will help her along the way!
I miss you, Pops....everyday!
Love,
Daughter
So it's that time of year again... Christmas. Oh how I adore this season! Only this year I can't seem to get out of this funk.. it's like I'm Scrooge this year. I'm just not feeling it. Maybe it's the stress of all the work I have going on right now. Luckily it's almost time for a much needed break!!
This year Rylee is finally old enough to get the whole hype of Christmas. It's really cute. It's almost like we get to re-live the magic of Christmas again. Through her Santa is real... it's fun again! We've already been in a parade, decorated and made some Christmas cookies. We still have to go get our tree, but I'm thinking there's plenty of time for all of that.
I've started to shop, but I just don't know what to buy. We've decided to focus more on Rylee this year than anyone else. I really want her to have magical holidays.... like the ones I had as a kid. I'd really like to keep with the theme of educational toys this year. She's finally starting to read and write and I want her to have anything and everything that will help her along the way!
I miss you, Pops....everyday!
Love,
Daughter
Monday, December 5, 2011
GGGRRRRRRRRR....
Dear Dad,
Today is an annoying day. I wish I still had you there to call. I could really use your comedic humor to make me laugh or a few words of wisdom that you always seem to magically know to say. Today is a day that I truly miss you. A day when the gigantic weight your loss rears it's ugly head.
Somedays I have good days. Somedays I have bad. Today is a bad day.
Love,
Daughter
Today is an annoying day. I wish I still had you there to call. I could really use your comedic humor to make me laugh or a few words of wisdom that you always seem to magically know to say. Today is a day that I truly miss you. A day when the gigantic weight your loss rears it's ugly head.
Somedays I have good days. Somedays I have bad. Today is a bad day.
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Times Pass too Fast
Dear Dad,
I got an e-mail yesterday about obtaining my current contact information for the dreaded upcoming 10 year high school reunion. Holy mother of christ...I'm old! I don't want to be this old yet. I'm not ready!
So on top of the 10 year reunion, I got information about enrolling Rylee into kindergarden. I'm so old now I have a kid that's about to be in kindergarden! She's not a baby anymore. Oh the time... where does it go!
My birthday is steady approaching as well. I used to love my birthday so much. I always wondered why you guys hated it so much. Now it makes sense. After 25 or so you start to see 30 and then you can't stop thinking that someday you're going to be 40 then 50... ugh! I don't want to! It's just not fair. Why can't time stand still. I want to hold onto it so tight and never let go.
Love,
Daughter
I got an e-mail yesterday about obtaining my current contact information for the dreaded upcoming 10 year high school reunion. Holy mother of christ...I'm old! I don't want to be this old yet. I'm not ready!
So on top of the 10 year reunion, I got information about enrolling Rylee into kindergarden. I'm so old now I have a kid that's about to be in kindergarden! She's not a baby anymore. Oh the time... where does it go!
My birthday is steady approaching as well. I used to love my birthday so much. I always wondered why you guys hated it so much. Now it makes sense. After 25 or so you start to see 30 and then you can't stop thinking that someday you're going to be 40 then 50... ugh! I don't want to! It's just not fair. Why can't time stand still. I want to hold onto it so tight and never let go.
Love,
Daughter
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Old Times
Dear Dad,
So Jess and I have been talking about the summers we used to spend at your house. We loved going to Wegman's and picking out movies. Then we'd come home and we'd all help Kathy prepare a big meal! After dinner we'd sit around and watch movies and dance to your records spinning around and aorund on the old record player. Those are such sweet memories. Oh and that friggin' tiger blanket. You have to remember that old thing! Gawd, how I miss that tiger blanket. Jess says she thinks its at G-mas. I hope so, because that beast is going to be mine :)
We've decided to keep the fun going for Rylee. Jess is going to be coming up for Thanksgiving and before she leaves we're going to have a big all out sleep over with Auntie Jess. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. No doubt this tradition is held so highly in our heads; I hope Rylee remembers it someday just the same.
Thank you for your amazing memories Dad. You really are simply irreplaceable.
Love,
Daughter
So Jess and I have been talking about the summers we used to spend at your house. We loved going to Wegman's and picking out movies. Then we'd come home and we'd all help Kathy prepare a big meal! After dinner we'd sit around and watch movies and dance to your records spinning around and aorund on the old record player. Those are such sweet memories. Oh and that friggin' tiger blanket. You have to remember that old thing! Gawd, how I miss that tiger blanket. Jess says she thinks its at G-mas. I hope so, because that beast is going to be mine :)
We've decided to keep the fun going for Rylee. Jess is going to be coming up for Thanksgiving and before she leaves we're going to have a big all out sleep over with Auntie Jess. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. No doubt this tradition is held so highly in our heads; I hope Rylee remembers it someday just the same.
Thank you for your amazing memories Dad. You really are simply irreplaceable.
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
The newest Van Scoy
Dear Dad,
So she's gone and done it. Yeah, I know she's talked about it forever! But this time she's finally bit the bullet! She bought her English Bulldog! Her name is Lady Henrietta Winterbottom. Make sure you say it in an British accent, or it loses all it's flavor!
OMG, Pops, she's gorgeous! I just want to squeeze her and love her all over. She's pure white except for a few freckle on her little ears and a black right eye.
Jessica is in love with her. Although she wants to do everything by the book. I do have to say though, the best part is that she's stopped telling me how to parent because now it makes sense to her. She understand now that picking your battles in the best thing with a child. Sometimes you're too friggin' tired to argue.
Grandma even said she could go to her house when Jess goes down to visit. You would love her. I wish you could be here to meet her!
Miss you to pieces!
Love,
Daughter
So she's gone and done it. Yeah, I know she's talked about it forever! But this time she's finally bit the bullet! She bought her English Bulldog! Her name is Lady Henrietta Winterbottom. Make sure you say it in an British accent, or it loses all it's flavor!
OMG, Pops, she's gorgeous! I just want to squeeze her and love her all over. She's pure white except for a few freckle on her little ears and a black right eye.
Jessica is in love with her. Although she wants to do everything by the book. I do have to say though, the best part is that she's stopped telling me how to parent because now it makes sense to her. She understand now that picking your battles in the best thing with a child. Sometimes you're too friggin' tired to argue.
Miss you to pieces!
Love,
Daughter
Monday, November 7, 2011
The Sr.
Dear Dad,
I'm sure you know, if you are looking down on me, that I have reconnected with your father. I hope you're not angry! We e-mail every now and again. Nothing spectacular. He's definitely on the odder side, that's for sure. But he's a nice man. He regrets what happened between the two of you.
I received an e-mail from his now wife the other day. It looks like the Dr's have discovered that he has mouth cancer and doesn't have long to live. I'm not sure why it makes me sad. I mean, I don't even know the guy. But he is family and while we can't choose them, we only have one. After losing you that value increased.
I hope that you guys can mend your fences in the afterlife. There's no sense holding a grudge for eternity.
Love you bunches!
Love Daughter
I'm sure you know, if you are looking down on me, that I have reconnected with your father. I hope you're not angry! We e-mail every now and again. Nothing spectacular. He's definitely on the odder side, that's for sure. But he's a nice man. He regrets what happened between the two of you.
I received an e-mail from his now wife the other day. It looks like the Dr's have discovered that he has mouth cancer and doesn't have long to live. I'm not sure why it makes me sad. I mean, I don't even know the guy. But he is family and while we can't choose them, we only have one. After losing you that value increased.
I hope that you guys can mend your fences in the afterlife. There's no sense holding a grudge for eternity.
Love you bunches!
Love Daughter
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Halloween
Dear Dad,
It's your favorite holiday again! It seems as though the years just fly right by! It seems like just yesterday I was putting my 3 month old in her very first costume. She was a hotdog, with mustard, YUM :)
This year was quite the adventure. Cole and I discovered that we are really, really, really bad at halloween makeup! hahaha. We are still making fun of ourselves. Cole decided this year that Rylee was not allowed to be a princess. So we compromised and got her a frilly dress and vampire make-up. We got the fake blood and black for the eyes and red to spray in her hair. She was going to look cool as hell!
Well the time came to get her dressed and I was stupid to allow Cole to start her make up. Needless to say she ended up looking like a raccoon!
Luckily there was candy at the end of the long road. She had a blast and was so polite! Without even being asked she told the candy giver at the door thank you and Happy Halloween! I was so impressed. Pat on the back for mom!
Miss you to pieces.
Love,
Daughter
It's your favorite holiday again! It seems as though the years just fly right by! It seems like just yesterday I was putting my 3 month old in her very first costume. She was a hotdog, with mustard, YUM :)
This year was quite the adventure. Cole and I discovered that we are really, really, really bad at halloween makeup! hahaha. We are still making fun of ourselves. Cole decided this year that Rylee was not allowed to be a princess. So we compromised and got her a frilly dress and vampire make-up. We got the fake blood and black for the eyes and red to spray in her hair. She was going to look cool as hell!
Well the time came to get her dressed and I was stupid to allow Cole to start her make up. Needless to say she ended up looking like a raccoon!
Luckily there was candy at the end of the long road. She had a blast and was so polite! Without even being asked she told the candy giver at the door thank you and Happy Halloween! I was so impressed. Pat on the back for mom!
Miss you to pieces.
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
REALLY!?
Dear Dad,
So it's happening again. Jerry had a heart attack! Is this even possible? I always said I was one lucky little girl to have 2 dad's that loved and cared about me, and now you're gone and then him! Christ!
He's working on himself. He's quit smoking and he's exercising and eating healthy, but is that enough. I worry all the time. I constantly think about what's wrong when my phone rings or i get a text message. i just thought this was behind me. I'm too friggin' young to have my parents die!
Makes you realize how important it is to take care of yourself. One day you'll wake up at 50 and it could be it. It's just not supposed to happen like that. You guys should be 80-90-100 before you die! At least I can hope to better my life and teach Rylee better habits so she or her future children don't have to deal with it. Ugh....
Love,
Daughter
So it's happening again. Jerry had a heart attack! Is this even possible? I always said I was one lucky little girl to have 2 dad's that loved and cared about me, and now you're gone and then him! Christ!
He's working on himself. He's quit smoking and he's exercising and eating healthy, but is that enough. I worry all the time. I constantly think about what's wrong when my phone rings or i get a text message. i just thought this was behind me. I'm too friggin' young to have my parents die!
Makes you realize how important it is to take care of yourself. One day you'll wake up at 50 and it could be it. It's just not supposed to happen like that. You guys should be 80-90-100 before you die! At least I can hope to better my life and teach Rylee better habits so she or her future children don't have to deal with it. Ugh....
Love,
Daughter
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
My God it's a Hectic Day
Dear Dad,
OMG! This is when I need you here the most. Days, weeks, and months like this are when I crave to hear your words o' wisdom. As much as I rolled my eyes at you as a teenager, I catch myself saying the things you said; quoting you like you were some kind of philosopher (HA!). And as you well know, mom can only handle so much. You were like the buffer for her. When Jess and I had a problem, we could call you. Poor mom.... her phone's always ringing!
Things have just been so stressful. With school, work, internship and then all my home/child rearing duties, I'm burning both ends of the candle. I know, I know...I did it to myself. But someday it will be worth it, right? I sure as hell hope so, because it the rest of this year is anything like what it's started out to be....ugh, I don't even want to think about it!
So Halloween is right around the corner. Cole won't let Rylee be a princess. Apparently she's that all year round! :) So we've gotten her a frilly vampire outfit with all the make up and hair spray a little girl could want! I can't wait! She's so darn cute anyway! Oh yeah....fake nails too! haha.... I just hope I don't ruin this holiday for her like mom did me! But either way, I sure I'll ruin it someway else!
I love you Pops!
Love,
Daughter
OMG! This is when I need you here the most. Days, weeks, and months like this are when I crave to hear your words o' wisdom. As much as I rolled my eyes at you as a teenager, I catch myself saying the things you said; quoting you like you were some kind of philosopher (HA!). And as you well know, mom can only handle so much. You were like the buffer for her. When Jess and I had a problem, we could call you. Poor mom.... her phone's always ringing!
Things have just been so stressful. With school, work, internship and then all my home/child rearing duties, I'm burning both ends of the candle. I know, I know...I did it to myself. But someday it will be worth it, right? I sure as hell hope so, because it the rest of this year is anything like what it's started out to be....ugh, I don't even want to think about it!
So Halloween is right around the corner. Cole won't let Rylee be a princess. Apparently she's that all year round! :) So we've gotten her a frilly vampire outfit with all the make up and hair spray a little girl could want! I can't wait! She's so darn cute anyway! Oh yeah....fake nails too! haha.... I just hope I don't ruin this holiday for her like mom did me! But either way, I sure I'll ruin it someway else!
I love you Pops!
Love,
Daughter
Monday, October 17, 2011
Together Again
Dear Dad,
I took Rylee to Charleston this summer. We had gone down once before and stayed with some friends, but she was a baby, and it just wasn't the same. This time we stayed with Grandma! I know can you believe it. I think you'd be so surprised by her, Dad. I sure as hell was! She was like a normal grandmother. She loved and cared and cried and hugged.... everything we've been wanting for years!
I can't even begin to describe the AMAZING reaction Rylee had at the ocean! I almost cried to see her joy! We got onto Folly towards dinner time, so no swimming that day, but I had to hurry and take Rylee to see the ocean....I just left her capri's on, we weren't going to be gone long. We walked onto the boardwalk by the pier and she flipped! She took off running. Without batting an eye she dove into the ocean, clothes on and all! I couldn't even believe it! This is the same child that freaks out if she gets a drop of water on her face! We spent the whole week playing in the ocean and building sandcastles! Rylee became a master of the art of poop castles! The only thing that was missing was you, the sand castle king!
We went to the Aquarium too... you were right, it was so not worth the money! I was incredibly disappointed! I mean it was like $30 a piece and they had 1 shark! Ugh.... Rylee had fun though, that's all that really matters! They had a skunk there.... I took a picture for G-ma.
The last day I was there, I did the thing I was dreading the most. I let you go. Rylee, G-ma and I went down to the battery and threw your ashes into the bay. We said a few happy words and cried a lot of sad tears. It eases my mind to know you are in a happy place, one of your favorite in the world! You are drifting towards Fort Sumter forever looking at Charleston's beautiful, historic city scape! I hope you're where you want to be!
I love and miss you, Pops, more than you will ever know!
Love,
Daughter
I took Rylee to Charleston this summer. We had gone down once before and stayed with some friends, but she was a baby, and it just wasn't the same. This time we stayed with Grandma! I know can you believe it. I think you'd be so surprised by her, Dad. I sure as hell was! She was like a normal grandmother. She loved and cared and cried and hugged.... everything we've been wanting for years!
I can't even begin to describe the AMAZING reaction Rylee had at the ocean! I almost cried to see her joy! We got onto Folly towards dinner time, so no swimming that day, but I had to hurry and take Rylee to see the ocean....I just left her capri's on, we weren't going to be gone long. We walked onto the boardwalk by the pier and she flipped! She took off running. Without batting an eye she dove into the ocean, clothes on and all! I couldn't even believe it! This is the same child that freaks out if she gets a drop of water on her face! We spent the whole week playing in the ocean and building sandcastles! Rylee became a master of the art of poop castles! The only thing that was missing was you, the sand castle king!
We went to the Aquarium too... you were right, it was so not worth the money! I was incredibly disappointed! I mean it was like $30 a piece and they had 1 shark! Ugh.... Rylee had fun though, that's all that really matters! They had a skunk there.... I took a picture for G-ma.
The last day I was there, I did the thing I was dreading the most. I let you go. Rylee, G-ma and I went down to the battery and threw your ashes into the bay. We said a few happy words and cried a lot of sad tears. It eases my mind to know you are in a happy place, one of your favorite in the world! You are drifting towards Fort Sumter forever looking at Charleston's beautiful, historic city scape! I hope you're where you want to be!
I love and miss you, Pops, more than you will ever know!
Love,
Daughter
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
What you've missed all these years :(
Dear Dad,
It's been 4 1/2 years since you left me. I begged you to stay, for me, for Jess....for family, but you couldn't. Sometimes I think you wouldn't; that I wasn't good enough to make you stay. Crazy, I know.... but grief does so many weird things. I was mad at you for a long time....I'm sorry for that, by the way :)
I had my daughter. He name is Rylee Hunter. OMG Dad, you'd so love her! She's so smart and beautiful and funny! She amazes me. I can't believe what a lucky woman I am to get such a fabulous child! But maybe....like you always say...it's the DNA :)
I've returned to school again. I graduate in May. I think you'd be pretty proud of me! I'm pretty proud of myself. I have finally found a way to make money with my art and have fun while doing it! I've never been happier! And the fact that I keep a 3.85 GPA with straight A's definitely makes it better.
Cole and I are still together :) I know you never got to meet him, but I think you'd be impressed. I make some pretty good decisions when it comes to men! He's handsome and smart and haas goals and dreams! And he is the greatest father any little girl could ask for!! Although it's a close one between you and him :)
Damn Pops....I miss the hell out of you! Nothing is the same. There is an empty place in my life that will never be filled. I never thought this would happen. I need you. I can see you rolling your eyes at me right now...and laughing at me. I know I'm an adult now.... but the things you shared with me and taught me are irreplaceable memories. I wish we were still making them.
I suppose that's enough for now. I'm starting to get misty.... and I don't feel like screwing up my make-up! Love you, Pops!
Love,
Daughter
It's been 4 1/2 years since you left me. I begged you to stay, for me, for Jess....for family, but you couldn't. Sometimes I think you wouldn't; that I wasn't good enough to make you stay. Crazy, I know.... but grief does so many weird things. I was mad at you for a long time....I'm sorry for that, by the way :)
I had my daughter. He name is Rylee Hunter. OMG Dad, you'd so love her! She's so smart and beautiful and funny! She amazes me. I can't believe what a lucky woman I am to get such a fabulous child! But maybe....like you always say...it's the DNA :)
I've returned to school again. I graduate in May. I think you'd be pretty proud of me! I'm pretty proud of myself. I have finally found a way to make money with my art and have fun while doing it! I've never been happier! And the fact that I keep a 3.85 GPA with straight A's definitely makes it better.
Cole and I are still together :) I know you never got to meet him, but I think you'd be impressed. I make some pretty good decisions when it comes to men! He's handsome and smart and haas goals and dreams! And he is the greatest father any little girl could ask for!! Although it's a close one between you and him :)
Damn Pops....I miss the hell out of you! Nothing is the same. There is an empty place in my life that will never be filled. I never thought this would happen. I need you. I can see you rolling your eyes at me right now...and laughing at me. I know I'm an adult now.... but the things you shared with me and taught me are irreplaceable memories. I wish we were still making them.
I suppose that's enough for now. I'm starting to get misty.... and I don't feel like screwing up my make-up! Love you, Pops!
Love,
Daughter
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A New Beginning
March 28, 2007 was the worst day of my life so far. I was 6 month pregnant and we had just moved back to Maine a few months before. We were staying at my parents until we could find a decent place to stay. (So I know, moving back in with the rents, even for just a few months, life couldn't get worse, right??) I was woken that morning by my mother answering the phone and saying, "Oh Jess, you were just about to be there." I quickly ran down the stairs wondering why on Earth my sister was calling at 5 in the morning. Then panick set in. I knew where "there" was. We were leaving that day for a nice long week in South Carolina to visit my father and grandmother. I had just talked to my father the day before and he said my grandma was having issues and had been in the hospital. I knew I was going to hear that she had died as soon as I got on the phone.
"Jess, what is going on?"
Through the bawling and screaming the next thing I heard was, "Daddy's dead!!" He was only 49. I was in shock. This wasn't happening; it couldn't possibly be true! Not to me, not now. Not when I need him the most!!
It has been 4 years now and it is something I continue to struggle with everyday. I miss him so much; he was my best friend. I talk to him now and again. It helps ease the pain of his life cut short. Through this blog, I want to help ease my pain by making sure he knows about everything he's missing. I want to write him letters, put them into bottles, and throw them out to sea!
"Jess, what is going on?"
Through the bawling and screaming the next thing I heard was, "Daddy's dead!!" He was only 49. I was in shock. This wasn't happening; it couldn't possibly be true! Not to me, not now. Not when I need him the most!!
It has been 4 years now and it is something I continue to struggle with everyday. I miss him so much; he was my best friend. I talk to him now and again. It helps ease the pain of his life cut short. Through this blog, I want to help ease my pain by making sure he knows about everything he's missing. I want to write him letters, put them into bottles, and throw them out to sea!
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